Stain-glass Eyes

Heart-Shaped Nature "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live."                                                                                                                       Flora Whittemore There are times when I draw inward to learn about myself, and it’s an encounter of detours. It’s like I hit a trap door with a projectile apparatus. As soon as I step on a closed door it hurls me into the air. I don’t think I put the trap doors there. I think they’re normal avoidances. Ways of staying on the surface of things. It’s almost as if my heart knows it won’t be easy and protects me. So, when I figure out even small things about myself, it’s a victo...

Me looking for Magic in My World I’ve been tracking my mood in my "Bullet Journal" the last couple of weeks. I made my own little graph. It’s interesting what it’s done for me. Initially I wanted to track my mood because when I meet with my therapist the first thing he asks me is, “How has your mood been?” Usually I only remember a couple of days and the rest seems a blur. It’s not very helpful. But the graph was more telling. January and February are low-sunlight months and follow major holidays.  I have to up my strategies to keep my leverage. Another factor (since I live in Michigan) is how much winter weather can deter my freedom of mobility (walking, driving and I can't swim  in the Great Lakes!). I question myself each day, “What’s your mood?” I’ve found when I keep track I feel more responsible where my mood falls. I saw it dip below 4, (out of 10) and I wondered why. I had to honestly admit a recent loss was also a factor (m...

January can be a difficult month for me. The minimum amount of sunlight is a factor. Another part is having my birthday right after the holidays.      To celebrate my birthday sometimes feels like it’s just a comma rather than an exclamation point. And my late husband and I were married on my birthday, which gives the date less of a bounce, now he’s gone. When 2020 hit and my birthday came, the attention and surprises I received warmed my heart (and shattered my resolve to hate my birthday). It didn’t matter the sky was gray. It didn’t matter it rained instead of snowed. The significance was the display of love I received. Whether love was wrapped up in a gift for me. Or sent by text. Regardless if it was a card I got in the mail. What mattered most was I felt loved. Sounds simple. But it was very powerful.   I share my birthday month with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It’s a holiday I look forward to after my birthday. I fee...

A Nest in Plain Sight I appreciate the beauty of winter. I understand it can be hard when walking becomes more dangerous or when it’s impossible to regulate the body’s warmth, (especially when there’s a good wind blowing) but I like the challenge of the change of season .   I have friends and family that say, “What’s so good about winter?” Or they say things against winter I won’t repeat here.   Winter is a season of dormancy for most of nature and us. The lack of daylight time and treacherous driving conditions make us less active. I fight it. I refuse to be hostage to winter. I try to have things to do after it gets dark or wear myself out by nightfall. Then it's easier to sit and do more sedate things. It feels less forced when I have choices. Easy-to-See Wasp's Nest  Lately I’ve been thinking up new perspectives I could have about winter. I love the snow and the cold, but there’s much more to the season than that. Maybe it's my way ...

When I overheard an elderly woman tell her grandson, “There are different kinds of happy”, I couldn’t wait to sit down with my laptop and write. We live in a culture that worships happiness, so those words struck me as very wise. Americans aren’t taught just to worship happiness. It’s a value most are pressured to convert to, like a religion. We learn how to create a facade of happiness if it isn’t constantly present. We learn the 3 Fs; Faith, Fog and Fantasy in order to keep up the dream. I looked up words related to happiness on dictionary.com and thesaurus.com : apt, blessed, blest, blissful, blithe, can't complain, captivated, cheerful, chipper, contented, convivial, delighted, overjoyed, ecstatic, elated, exultant, flying high, fortunate, gay, glad, gleeful, intoxicated, jolly, joyous, joyful, jubilant, laughing, light, lively, looking good, merry, mirthful, on cloud nine, overjoyed, peaceful, peppy, ratified, successful, thrilled, upbeat,  Many of...

It takes two to see into a heart.   One to look.   The other to open the window. It takes two for trust.   To value actions over words.   Meaning over a promise.   Failure over perfection.   To recognize trust needs to be built, one brick at a time. It takes two to understand each has a past.   Respect the importance of who each of you are, in relation to the past.   Leave the past where it belongs. See the unique people you’ve become because of your past.   Not broken. Wear and tear in life has worn your fabric, But it makes you who you are. Accept your differences as treasures. It takes two to be honest.   One to fearlessly speak truth.   The other to validate. To check that both understand.   Be unafraid to say,   “There’s an elephant in the room.” It takes two to learn and unlearn.   To embrace the other with an open mind.   To ...