Stain-glass Eyes

“Who are you?   A distance voice questions me. Inner-Me shutters from the sound. No time to think.   If my reply isn’t instant it becomes relentless, “Who are you?!” The tone is clear. I feel its judgement. I cower in shame.   My insecurities awaken. I force myself to remember,  It’s me who gives it the key used to unlock my ear. The power I give away pushes me down. Bullies me into submission. I’ve ordained it Master! My willingness to yield to society’s norms, bar-lines and expectations, Places the crown neatly on its head. The instant it gains power,   My strength and convictions waiver. I feel silenced from my hesitation. The more I look outside myself for control,   The stronger my fear becomes, I sanction its invasiveness.   And slowly begins my suffocation. My inner voice hides, dormant, in the shadows. Me withholding has left it un-nurtured, neglected. Me, the only ear it has, has left it abandoned.

Riding in a car for more than 900 miles, with my son, Holden, is a memory I won’t forget. A wedding out East, for a close friend, Sonya, was all the motivation we needed to make this trip.  She is a lovely person.  Holden roomed with her while at the University of Michigan - they were music majors and co-conspirators! A Short Time for Holden and Sonya to Visit (and for Sonya to rub her tired feet) When Holden moved to Berlin, Germany, Sonya and I stayed in touch.  Holden conspired to have her take me for a Mother’s Day and birthday dinner in order to take his place, a couple of times.  I’ve never had a dull moment with Sonya.  Her conversation is engaging and she’s a genuine deal. Holden had five days to make this trip to the U.S., drive with me out East and return to Germany, so as not to miss teaching English to his young students.  I think he felt it was as worth it as I did. Ann Arbor Haircut Before Our Travels A Definite Must! Zingerman's for a T

The last two months I’ve been learning how to incorporate raw food as a new piece to improve my lifestyle.  It’s a big change, but since I’ve made so many over the last decade, it’s a relatively easy step toward healthy food choices.  I’ve already seen big trade-offs.  I feel better, I have more energy and I am less hungry during the day.   My friend, Gesche, in Denmark, made the first transition easy because she was already preparing and eating “raw” when I spent a month with her in April. I learned first-hand how to shop for ingredients, how to un-cook, how to organize the kitchen and how to dive in and not look back.  Food isn’t my favorite topic to write about.  I’ve fought with my low self-image and weight as long as I can remember. I am extremely defensive about anyone (but myself) telling me what I can and can’t put in my mouth. (whether it has any food value or not!)  I’m more likely to eat something if someone said not to, rather than the other way around.  Tw