What's My Mood?

Me looking for Magic in My World

I’ve been tracking my mood in my "Bullet Journal" the last couple of weeks. I made my own little graph. It’s interesting what it’s done for me.

Initially I wanted to track my mood because when I meet with my therapist the first thing he asks me is, “How has your mood been?” Usually I only remember a couple of days and the rest seems a blur. It’s not very helpful. But the graph was more telling.

January and February are low-sunlight months and follow major holidays.  I have to up my strategies to keep my leverage.

Another factor (since I live in Michigan) is how much winter weather can deter my freedom of mobility (walking, driving and I can't swim in the Great Lakes!).

I question myself each day, “What’s your mood?”

I’ve found when I keep track I feel more responsible where my mood falls.

I saw it dip below 4, (out of 10) and I wondered why. I had to honestly admit a recent loss was also a factor (more than I realized).

It frightens me to dip down. I don’t want to get depressed. I’ve been there before and it’s not easy for me to manage. When depression gets its fangs into my neck I’m a bleeder.

I questioned myself why I was not higher on my self-created-mood-scale, I also questioned what habits of mine changed to get me there. Food, exercise, sleep and social habits. I’m well aware how my thinking gets me there, too.

I’ve worked hard during emotionally-immobile stages of my life to get out of and stave off depression. After the death of my husband I had to dig hard for months just to be able to bench press one gram of depression at a time, to release its grip on me.

I Did The Work (DTW) on my own, with support of others and with counseling. For some time I benefited from anti-depressants. I’ve learned so much on how to keep my depression at bay. I was determined not to let depression suck all the blood out of me and deprive me of my real life.

That’s the past. Depression doesn’t just appear and swallow me up unawares now. It tends to creep up slowly. So being aware is important.

It’s therapeutic to write about my struggles and share with my readers. Much of what I write and I keep to myself. It give it substance. I’m not ashamed of when I suffer from depression.

I’m over my attempts to repress or hide it when I’m depressed. I wouldn’t hide a good laugh or smile if one was coming on, either. 

I included this link about the facts and myths of depression. 

https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/ug4843
https://www.uhs.umich.edu/depression

https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/can-bullet-journaling-save-you

Ellie is a Mood Changer (My daughter's pooch)