Stain-glass Eyes

It is not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share.   Pema Chädrön I realized the other day when I attempted a selfie, I couldn’t smile. The frozen-face of sadness just sat there. I tried a couple clicks and looked at me in the photo. So, I remedied it when I opened up a video of my grandson swaying to Nat King Cole’s rich voice singing “Unforgettable”. It gave me an instant genuine smile. This snuck up on me. Boy, I needed to step back and settle in with this sadness. Let it tell me what it needed from me. I was out of touch with myself and didn’t see it coming. Have you ever had the fear if you start to cry you may never stop? It’s not realistic, right? But, at the time it feels so real. So possible. I have learned from experience I can allow myself to let the tears fall and it’s not a forever thing. Unless I walk through those melancholy parts of life, cry, touch them, and acknowledge them, I stay off-balance.

I am a rock.  Hard, heavy. Fearless. Honestly, I’m a soft step into dry, golden sand. I pulsate life. I yield and shift to who I am with each step. I am love. Poised and ready. Well…parts of me draw inward, my gate can be closed.   I am my wants. How I live is my "I am". I am a Great Lake.   I flow deep, fresh water. Smooth to rough, warm to cold. Winter to Summer. I am not afraid of my layers. I know what rivers flow into me. I am sunrise on a cold and frosty morning. Rising warm and ready to melt away fears and tears. Slowly, steadily, dependably. Dispelling aloneness with my rays of hopefulness. I am a needy heart, a bleeding heart too. I am kind. I am giver.   I am a Winnie the Pooh. Blundering in speech, with made up words. I am fun. I am laughter. I am voice. Strong in song and speech I resonate from my heart and soul. I am failure.   I am prideful.   I am shovel.   I dig for my worth.   I toss aside decayed dirt and dig deeper. I push down the blade to do the work. I a