Encounter of Detours

Heart-Shaped Nature

"The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live."
                                                                                                                      Flora Whittemore

There are times when I draw inward to learn about myself, and it’s an encounter of detours. It’s like I hit a trap door with a projectile apparatus. As soon as I step on a closed door it hurls me into the air.

I don’t think I put the trap doors there. I think they’re normal avoidances. Ways of staying on the surface of things. It’s almost as if my heart knows it won’t be easy and protects me.

So, when I figure out even small things about myself, it’s a victory of sorts. I seem to know more of what I want out of life - bit by bit - because I know more about myself. I can’t expect the knowledge to be handed over to me like wrapped gift waiting for me to rip it open.

Patience is helpful within reason. Excuse lists can be painless to generate and I can confuse them with patience. 

Here’s my latest excuse list:

1)  I’m not a Zen monk and never will be.

2) I’m too old for it to matter.

3) If I don’t know who I am by now, I never will.

4) What difference can it make to my life at this point?

5) It’s not about what’s inside, it’s what others see that's
   important.

6) I don’t need the added stress, I’m too busy.

7) No one else really cares, so what’s the purpose?

Believable excuses right? But, look at the hidden bombs in them.

 1) I’m not a Zen monk and never will be.  (I don’t have to be a Zen monk to value serenity and give myself quiet-time to hear what's in my heart.)

              

2) I'm too old for it to matter.  (I never want to be too old to learn. Age doesn’t decide what matters, it makes me adjust, but it doesn’t end my search for happiness.)

3) If I don’t know who I am by now,I never will. (Not true - Anna Mary Robertson Moses, known by her nickname Grandma Moses, was an American folk artist. She began painting in earnest at the age of 78 and is often cited as an example of an individual who successfully began a career in the arts at an advanced age. Wikipedia)

4) What difference can it make to my life at this point? (I believe life can always be improved on for my quality of life and ultimately for others around me that are affected by what I choose to do.)

5) It’s what others see that's important. (I believe if my inside and outside don’t match up…there’s some work to be done. I have to live with myself)

6)  I don’t need added stress. (Lack of purpose causes stress for me. If I’m self-actualizing I’ve learned I’m much happier.)

7)  No one else really cares,so what’s the purpose? (The purpose is for my purpose to match what I value. Not what someone else values.)

My life isn’t over until it’s over. What I do matters. What I choose to do makes a difference to me and the world I live in. My choices are affected by others. I recognize the influence of friends, family and strangers. Maybe that's even more of a reason to be ready with my feet on the ground and know what I want.

It’s a lot like my search for fossils or the perfect-shaped rock to do my artwork on. There’s always one out there waiting for me to find, pick up and smile. It’s mine. The joy is in the search, the find and the ultimate ownership of who I am.

"As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a
life well spent brings happy death."
Leonardo Da Vinci