Stain-glass Eyes

It is not a terrible thing that we feel fear when faced with the unknown. It is part of being alive, something we all share.   Pema Chädrön I realized the other day when I attempted a selfie, I couldn’t smile. The frozen-face of sadness just sat there. I tried a couple clicks and looked at me in the photo. So, I remedied it when I opened up a video of my grandson swaying to Nat King Cole’s rich voice singing “Unforgettable”. It gave me an instant genuine smile. This snuck up on me. Boy, I needed to step back and settle in with this sadness. Let it tell me what it needed from me. I was out of touch with myself and didn’t see it coming. Have you ever had the fear if you start to cry you may never stop? It’s not realistic, right? But, at the time it feels so real. So possible. I have learned from experience I can allow myself to let the tears fall and it’s not a forever thing. Unless I walk through those melancholy parts of life, cry, touch them, and acknowledge them, I stay off-balan...

I am a rock.  Hard, heavy. Fearless. Honestly, I’m a soft step into dry, golden sand. I pulsate life. I yield and shift to who I am with each step. I am love. Poised and ready. Well…parts of me draw inward, my gate can be closed.   I am my wants. How I live is my "I am". I am a Great Lake.   I flow deep, fresh water. Smooth to rough, warm to cold. Winter to Summer. I am not afraid of my layers. I know what rivers flow into me. I am sunrise on a cold and frosty morning. Rising warm and ready to melt away fears and tears. Slowly, steadily, dependably. Dispelling aloneness with my rays of hopefulness. I am a needy heart, a bleeding heart too. I am kind. I am giver.   I am a Winnie the Pooh. Blundering in speech, with made up words. I am fun. I am laughter. I am voice. Strong in song and speech I resonate from my heart and soul. I am failure.   I am prideful.   I am shovel.   I dig for my worth.   I toss aside decayed dirt and dig deeper. I push down ...

 What can you teach me, Francis? My dusty, neglected books say nothing. Philosophy, language, music, quotes,   Knot tying, origami folding Birds, fairies and…old journals. You! Play, eat, make music. Fight sleep, fall into hugs and love. You! Scooch toward specks on the wooden floor. Investigate, measure, Fill up with all that’s around you. You! Abruptly take me back on my heels with question and wonder. What are you here to tell me? I’m wise and old. You beg me to let go of all I know. To reach and toss and turn what is in front of me. You! Smile with curiosity, genuineness   and charm. Your hands turn, poke and push things over. What did I miss, Francis? Curiosity? Songs without words? Love without expectations?   Should I test gravity with my body? Are my food and everyday objects,   Worth a relook?  A retouch? The shadows on the wall move and play. I watch you  smile and try  to stop one. My heart leaps a t the moment. You! When you rock yours...

In Dresden-Holden Taking the Picture Germany recently greeted this stranger with open arms for almost a month. Well, actually no arms but I felt instantly connected and it certainly wasn’t because of my grasp of the language. It felt like I was a small, glass marble in a children’s toy being placed at the top of a downward maze with many other marbles-sliding my way down. Gravity responsible for where we all landed. My responsibility was to catch buses, trains or subways with hundreds of steps before and after. Yet, once I was in the right direction I was the marble again. I looked out windows, grasped and gripped the hand rails (sometimes for dear life). I’d count the stops and watch the digital monitor (if there was one) to see if I could figure out when to get off to go to a resale shop, to find a nice cafe, to browse a book store, check out children’s toys or German-made pens and naturally a museum or two.   Just one of the Screenshots  I needed in case my phone died! I st...

    Some communication between people is straight forward. Much isn’t. There are SO many factors in the mix:   assumptions by speaker and listener   mind-reading fantasy   body language   outside interruptions   word choices   tone/volume of voice speaker interrupted by listener   silence I’d like to listen more, clarify more and forget the thought “I know what they mean”. Better to think, “I hope I understand” and ask if what I heard is what they intended. I believe there are times when no clarification is needed because the speaker needs to speak period. I don’t really put that in the category of communication. To me when two people communicate it’s to get an idea or thoughts across. Sounds simple. (Heeehhheee, not so much) A few days ago I started to type my blog-post from Marquette, Michigan in a hotel. I had just seen a father with his four-year-old child in the breakfast area while I drank my coffee in the corner of the room. “Do you wa...