Stain-glass Eyes

I don’t know how others manage their lives during this fearful crisis. I can only imagine it’s difficult, no matter who you are.   My priority starts with my mom and myself. The attention I give this priority, I’m convinced, spreads past our isolated space. I think it gives others a sense of peace I’m with my mom. I know it gives both of us comfort. So I begin here. I attend to our needs and we share our time and company. She may not realize how she attends to my needs. Since I’ve returned to the U.P. to be with her I’ve eaten healthier, slept better and feel calmer. My children know things are going well for us so they have less worry. My siblings have voiced the same. The care we take to stay isolated benefits more than us. Our efforts seem small sometimes but they have an impact on more than just the two of us. When I hear of others who take the same measures to isolate and stay well are contributing to fighting this virus. The past few da...

Heart-Shaped Nature "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live."                                                                                                                       Flora Whittemore There are times when I draw inward to learn about myself, and it’s an encounter of detours. It’s like I hit a trap door with a projectile apparatus. As soon as I step on a closed door it hurls me into the air. I don’t think I put the trap doors there. I think they’re normal avoidances. Ways of staying on the surface of things. It’s almost as if my heart knows it won’t be easy and protects me. So, when I figure out even small things about myself, it’s a victo...

Me looking for Magic in My World I’ve been tracking my mood in my "Bullet Journal" the last couple of weeks. I made my own little graph. It’s interesting what it’s done for me. Initially I wanted to track my mood because when I meet with my therapist the first thing he asks me is, “How has your mood been?” Usually I only remember a couple of days and the rest seems a blur. It’s not very helpful. But the graph was more telling. January and February are low-sunlight months and follow major holidays.  I have to up my strategies to keep my leverage. Another factor (since I live in Michigan) is how much winter weather can deter my freedom of mobility (walking, driving and I can't swim  in the Great Lakes!). I question myself each day, “What’s your mood?” I’ve found when I keep track I feel more responsible where my mood falls. I saw it dip below 4, (out of 10) and I wondered why. I had to honestly admit a recent loss was also a factor (m...

January can be a difficult month for me. The minimum amount of sunlight is a factor. Another part is having my birthday right after the holidays.      To celebrate my birthday sometimes feels like it’s just a comma rather than an exclamation point. And my late husband and I were married on my birthday, which gives the date less of a bounce, now he’s gone. When 2020 hit and my birthday came, the attention and surprises I received warmed my heart (and shattered my resolve to hate my birthday). It didn’t matter the sky was gray. It didn’t matter it rained instead of snowed. The significance was the display of love I received. Whether love was wrapped up in a gift for me. Or sent by text. Regardless if it was a card I got in the mail. What mattered most was I felt loved. Sounds simple. But it was very powerful.   I share my birthday month with Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It’s a holiday I look forward to after my birthday. I fee...

A Nest in Plain Sight I appreciate the beauty of winter. I understand it can be hard when walking becomes more dangerous or when it’s impossible to regulate the body’s warmth, (especially when there’s a good wind blowing) but I like the challenge of the change of season .   I have friends and family that say, “What’s so good about winter?” Or they say things against winter I won’t repeat here.   Winter is a season of dormancy for most of nature and us. The lack of daylight time and treacherous driving conditions make us less active. I fight it. I refuse to be hostage to winter. I try to have things to do after it gets dark or wear myself out by nightfall. Then it's easier to sit and do more sedate things. It feels less forced when I have choices. Easy-to-See Wasp's Nest  Lately I’ve been thinking up new perspectives I could have about winter. I love the snow and the cold, but there’s much more to the season than that. Maybe it's my way ...