A Heart Inside Out

Far into the northern woods, in near darkness,

A sturdy log fire lends light to a lonesome, chilled quiet.

She's found isolation for strength.

In arrears of her need to face reality.

She sits upright, by the fire. 

Every muscles tense,

They fight the evening chill.

She’s on high alert, ready to bolt.

She chose to walk away rather than toward love.

Confused and terrified her heart falls into grief. 

Pulsates unnaturally.

And folds inside out in avoidance.

She shivers by the hot fire, 

And squeezes her eyes shut, 

Unable to stop the tears.

Her tired arms twist around her knees.

She rocks first from her heels - then her toes, slowly.

She remembers her mom’s hug.

She allows gravity to lower her down on her side.

Her arms sprawled. Her knees up to her heart.

She dreams of Keweenaw. 

Lake Superior has held her afloat before.

She can feel the heat on her hands from the fire.

The arc on each flame snaps as each tip reaches for oxygen. 

She sleeps.

When the fire is ashes,

The cold wakes and stirs her body to a stand.

She refuses to open her eyes.

Her tortured, achy legs won’t move but her back straightens.

She challenges the molasses of darkness with her warrior stance.

Her strength is false. She’s a fraud.

Her impersonation of courageousness humiliates her.

She sobs her frailty into the night. Her arms fall to her side.

Night responds with a security of warm black feathers.

They soothe and soften her void.

Soft as eyelashes they caress her sore, clenched heart.

Beastly screams she doesn’t recognize cut through her swollen throat.

Fear opens her damp eyelids.

In silence her legs move on a path through darkness.

Mournfully her feet snag on roots and leaves.

Her heart snags on the reality of now.