My Soulmate

I have trouble with the primitive idea we search for our Soulmate.

Please imagine with me the thought of a search.

We’d have to have a picture of what a Soulmate is or a formula to follow. Or we may have to wait for a sign from a deity. We wouldn’t have freedom to change the criteria over time. If we did it might throw off the magic or sacredness of a perfect match.

With society’s pressure we may believe we aren’t capable and need help in this search. Perhaps society knows the criteria for Soulmate or has a hand in choosing.

“Oh, you make such a perfect couple!” 

“Don’t they look good together?”

“This match is made in heaven!”

Consider cultures that still have a mate chosen by elders or parents? Can we expect divine help in our choice?

I have loved. I have been with mates that have made me surge in happy. Some have died. They chewed off a chunk of my heart. 

Ones who are still alive and not with me are losses. They also have sliced off fragments of my heart.

Well…if these loves were imperfect are they scratched from Soulmatedness? Does a person have to start from zero or give up?

It has taken me many, many years to understand myself. I disregard much of what I was taught in relation to love. I have given myself permission to form new principals to live by.

Foremost in my belief about love is — I am my Soulmate. My search is inward.

I don’t think I can lift the helicopter off the ground without the power and wisdom within me to set love in motion. Which also means I can set down this helicopter when it feels overloaded and overwhelmed. To ground myself.

Within my soul I can question, refuel, rethink and check my innumerable fibers of love. Being my own Soulmate gives me the capability to visualize what I want, wish and need before flight and in the course of flight. 

Being my own Soulmate I can give myself permission to evolve. To learn more about myself and those I love. I don’t need to fantasize and invent something outside myself. I am here. Love for myself gives me fuel to look for balance in who I choose to love. 

Love is a warm, comfortable, expansive feeling. It gurgles and bubbles. It contracts and shrinks. It pulses with life. It hurts. It heals. It is full of possibility and hope. It scares the crap out of me and helps me feel strong.

Being my own Soulmate I know love’s endurance and strength aren’t fraught with magic and mystery. My love will have no end. I will always have enough. 

I remember one night, when I was about eight months pregnant for Holden, my husband Harry couldn’t figure out what I was so upset about. I finally ashamedly confessed, “I don’t think I will have enough love for this baby, I love Elizabeth so much there isn’t anything left.” 

He knew. He told me simply, “Your love will grow, you’ll have enough.”

We have the capacity to love. To seek love. To love our Soulmate. That Soulmate I believe lies within us.