To Grieve or Not to Grieve?


Today is the 10th anniversary of my husband’s death.  

I saw him vividly in a dream a few days ago. The first time in a very long time. I miss him when I take time to remember our love, the friendship we developed and the family we raised together.  



I try not to dwell on the sad part of losing him. But it’s still tough not to tear up when I let myself go back in time. I know the memories I have are now muddled with romantic powdered sugar. The trying times have been given a buzz-cut long ago.

I know he’s not coming back. I’m not angry about his parting anymore. I believe his death gave me the springboard to jump forward and create a satisfying life without him.

My quandary is how to take the time to grieve. It surprises me how powerful grief can be when I do.



Do I unlock and open the door? Or do I walk by and let the dust form without my attention?  

I have a little Irish sprite inside of me. It encourages me to unlock and open the door. I promise to use reason.  I’m to dust off the cobwebs, touch the memories, but take care to put them back where they belong.

My sprite has been emphatic, “You are NOT to open each and every drawer in the bureau!”



So, today I unlocked the door and gently pushed it open. My tears are of gratitude as I dust my memory room.

Harry’s independence and love of life reinforced my own. He spent his life conforming when he had to, in order to make a living, but never lost his desire to push away norms and rules.

I have a strong desire to be by water for comfort.  He shared his love of the forest and now I  find serenity there, too.

The Landslide-Alba, Michigan

He told me often he felt lucky he got a second chance.  At love, at raising a family and at trusting someone to share his life. His first wife, Lou, died of cancer and he took the scary dive it takes to start again with me.

Now I see what he was talking about. I’m more mature. My eyes are open wider. He shared his courage with me. It’s a precious gift. All the memories we made together can be summed up as happiness. The good and the bad. 

Wow! As I close the door and turn the lock I see how important it is to take the time to grieve. 
Each fiber of sorrow is weaved through with smiles and happiness.

I will always have space for him in my heart. I’m glad my sprite is alive and well and knows me.

Thank you little sprite.  Thank you, Harry.



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