Holden's Awesomeness

Today I saw on Instagram Holden posted the latest Trump administration projections on eliminating transgender identifications.  It makes me sad he has to worry about the state America is in right now and how it contributes to fears he has for others and himself.

Flag flown in Leipsig, Germany

No Gender-Beautiful!

I’m including Holden interviewing me.  He also posted it on social media and on his Patreon site. 

 https://www.patreon.com/holdenmad/posts. 

Protesting Injustices Resulted in the End of The Berlin Wall
 Nov. 9, 1989

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago while in Germany.  I didn’t change any of it today, as I got ready to post. I read it and feel the same things as I felt then. 

Notes from 10-7-2018

I’m sitting by a second floor window overlooking a street of Sunday pedestrians passing by.  I’m in Leipsig, Germany. I’ve been in Germany for a few weeks. 

Already I don’t notice people are speaking German when I walk, it’s become normal. I’ve taken for granted the beautiful, historical structures everywhere. And I’ve met some amazing people in opera through my son, Holden.

Opera in Görlitz, Germany

Mother and Son in Poland

Holden is at an interview as I write.  I’m more than sadly aware that I will say goodbye to him tonight. He returns to Görlitz after the opera we’re attending is over.  I will stay in Leipzig a couple more days before I fly back to the states.

Having my son close to me while visiting in Germany has been extremely satisfying.  No money can buy the feeling of love I’ve enjoyed with him. I’ve already told him the strongest tactile memory I will have from this trip is sitting on the same, red, park bench, reading, in the shade, in a beautifully, wooded park in Leipzig on a sunny afternoon. Time seemed to stand still just for me, so I could take it all in. Yet around us the bikers, the strollers, the leaves falling continued in their motion.

An Old Fountain in Görlitz, Germany
Children in a Washtub

Earlier today I felt the tears putting their key in my heart-lock when he said, “Mom, would you like to sit and have a cup of coffee with me?”  When Holden says he’s having a cup of coffee with me he doesn’t click away on his phone or laptop and I feel I’m the only living thing he knows. He’s engaged and being his mom feels like he’s a child again and he sees only me in the present time in his world.

Our normal way of communicating while we’re an ocean apart is by text or Skype.  Being here reminds me of how busy he is with his writing, teaching and his opera work. He walks, bikes, hops a train, subway and is constantly on the move even when he stands still. 

I take what time I can get in with him and try to maintain distance enough to give him privacy and space at the same time.  He’s very good at stating what he needs, which is very comforting to me.  I like to know what to expect and to know I’m not interfering with time he needs for himself and with Emma, his girlfriend.

He video-taped an interview he had with me for his Patreon site yesterday. I felt surprisingly at ease. I think because he made me feel comfortable --- his proximity, tone of voice and love. 

I felt honored to be interviewed. I know I believe in him but it’s nice to know he believes in me.

Graffiti in Berlin, Germany

One of the last questions someone asked for the interview was, “Where does Holden get his awesomeness?”

He's always had the awesomeness and he passes it on. It's catching. He inspires, teaches and nurtures many. He’s patient but takes no crap from anyone and is fun to be with. I'm proud to have him for a son.