What's Happenin'?

Butterfly Found on Damp Beach

I know I’m not the only person in search of happiness. I see it on faces. Not in their exuberant smiles, but their looks of disappointment. Happiness isn’t an easy snag.

When I see expressions of frustration in people I try to make sense of why it’s so pervasive in our culture rather than of happiness and contentment.  

I think frustration comes from expectations that are set too high. We want joy, we expect joy and it can set us up for disappointment. We don’t adjust our expectations or worse, we become pessimistic over time. 

Some of this more-effort-than-skill comes from an old, faulty, belief system that happiness either comes or it doesn’t. Or it’s not how we envision happiness, it’s dependent on pure luck.

“It’s being at the right place at the right time,” I’ve heard people say. 

“Money makes people happy”

“Good things only happen to good people”

There’s an obvious defect in thinking luck, money, and being a good person piles on happiness. 

I've done some work on my happy-assumption-model. I don’t expect to have contentment if I don’t adjust my thinking . Maybe if I just use the word “content” rather than “happy”. It does seem to put a better frame around the picture. 

Maybe the target I tend to aim for isn’t my own vision of joy. When I think of what makes me happy or not, maybe I have let the culture around me sway my thinking.

I’ve tried to make another modification, too. I don’t want it to be so easy to take my mind to my past or future to feel happiness. Past or future joys are like an advertisement flashing on the screen when there’s a story unfolding. Present life gets interrupted.

Am I allowing joy in? (or caught up in defining what it is) 

Am I filtering it with my rose-colored glasses? (fearing the feeling)

Am I narrowly defining what brings me joy? (missing surprises in life)

Can I make a wide, wide space for joy to seep in? (letting things be what they are)

Is it possible to allow myself joy? (or does guilt creep in)

I recall a scene I’ve been in when I need a reminder to stay with life as it unfolds rather than missing the most important things. 

When I’m up north, I often wander up and down on the beach in St. Ignace, on Lake Huron. I keep my eyes and head down in order to find unique fossils or interesting shaped limestones. It’s possible for me to spend three hours doing this without looking up at the bay to see the sailboats in the harbor, the ferry boats running to and from Mackinac Island and the blue-green expanse of fresh water.

Yeah, I get excited and happy when I spot a great find.  But, in the process of searching I miss what’s happening around me. I’m not sensing the wind tossing my loose, gray hairs. The sun creating shadows and fluttering light on the stones and water. The gentle sound of waves hitting the beach. The illusive sailboats appearing and disappearing in the distance. Or priceless stillness.

This Fossil Can Still Make Me Smile

I think the word happiness must come from the word happen. If we fail to see what happens around us we have missed finer degrees of happiness. It’s important to remember these smaller degrees of happiness are attainable. Larger expectations of happiness at some point in the future are not.

Sometimes I Find a Lot of Satisfaction When
I Figure Out a Puzzle

Maybe that’s why the cool dudes say, “What’s happenin’?” They might have something there.  We can ask ourselves that question and see what we might be missing.  It could be a whole lot of happiness.

Sunset Over Little Traverse Bay