Make Waves or Jump Into the Waves is the Question

Rocks Seen From Shore of Lake Superior, Keweenaw.

Have you ever felt like you needed to justify something you really wanted?  Have reasons for your behavior?  

I live alone so I answer to almost no one.  Yet, I sometimes feel I have to level my thinking out to understand why I’m doing something or why I feel a certain way.

It may come from childhood.  I had “Big Brother” watching out more, keeping track of me.  Being young I needed direction and my choices had consequences.

I appreciate the scenes in Pinocchio, when Jiminy Cricket sits on his shoulder being his conscience.  It’s a perfect way to describe the feeling of another voice in the head, at the opposite polar end of what I’ve decided to do. 

“No, I don’t think so!”

“Uh-huh...”

"What?"

The trouble with the conscience is it’s hard to decipher where the voice is coming from.  Is it coming from Christian values?  Is it coming from family values?  Is it coming from experience?

Acquiring a conscience doesn’t mean it comes from rock hard values. They don’t apply in all situations. And perhaps the rock hard values are someone else’s values not yours. So confusing!

Weathered Tree in Keweenaw Peninsula, Michigan

I don’t know if you’ve had arguments with your conscious. I’d be surprised if there’s anyone who doesn’t have it going on in their head once in awhile. Actually, I’d be worried if you didn’t. It would mean you accept all you’ve been told, taught and learned from experience without thinking it through. 

I think when we have responsibility for other people the dynamics of our conscience changes. I’d more likely be somewhere if it involved the welfare of my son or daughter. I wouldn’t even question it.  But, if I was expected to meet a group of people at a park for a hike I might have some voices spinning in my head. The first one being, “Do you really want to hike today?” 

Tracks at Quincy Mine, Hancock, Michigan

I’d like to think I responsibly check the facts and check my thinking before I make a decision. It doesn’t always happen that way. One of my many weaknesses I work on is my tendency to say yes first before I think through what I really want. I think it’s a carry over from learning to please everyone and not make waves. 

Usually saying, “No”, brings opposition. I’ve learned from years of experience to avoid conflict. But, it doesn’t mean I can’t relearn the strong signals that tell me to say, “Yes”. Because I’m also learning from experience it doesn’t only affect me when I change my mind, it affects others. 

If the decision is between doing laundry and going for a swim there’d be no dilemma. Jiminy Cricket wouldn’t have my ear if he were to spout off the merits of doing laundry versus taking a swim.

I listen carefully when my conscience-voice uses the words, “Should”, “Need to”, “Have to”, it usually signals past learning and experience.  The word “Should” uses a different calibration when a person is retired, unmarried and their children have moved away.  

If I was married, still taught, had the responsibility to raise children and attended a  Christian church, I believe the “Should” voice would be more at the forefront of my brain. Not listening to the “Should” could jeopardize a job, a marriage or the needs of my children.  

I wanted to excel in my teaching career.  I wanted to keep my marriage strong.  I wanted to be a good mom and nurture my children.  Doing the “Should” sprung from my desire to do well, not just my desire to please.  I’ve learned later in life my own balance and well being has to be in place before I can “Do Well” for others.

Lake Superior Sunset

As I write about conscience, I see none  of it's clear-cut.  It all changes and varies with time and situations.  

So, in my present adult life, I need to take some things into consideration. How my decisions affect others. How my decisions require fact-finding before I act. How my decisions affect my quality of life. 

“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions.  All life is an experiment.  The more experiments you make the better.  What if they are a little coarse, and you may get your coat soiled or torn?  What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice? Up again: you shall never be afraid of a tumble.”  Ralph Waldo Emerson