What If....

“What if...” is an interesting voyage.

When go into that murky muck, sometimes it gets a bit dangerous.  As my therapist says, “We can prefer what an outcome will be, but demanding it isn’t going to make it any more likely to happen.”  It just creates more disappointment when our desires or expectations aren’t met. 

If we think in terms of what could have been - the “If”- it seems like a waste of energy.

I saw a woman at the YMCA the other day and I talked to her when she finished her workout.  She was smooth and athletic in the water, but once she got out of the pool she was having trouble bending to get her things from the edge the pool.  

I asked her if she needed help.  She groaned in pain as she bent slowly down to reach her things.  With a smile she said, “I can do this.”

“I hope it wasn’t an accident that caused all the pain,” I asked after I gave her a thumbs up.

“Yes, ten years ago,” she said.

She told me the reason she’s doing so well is because she surpasses her physical therapist’s expectations.  She pushes past the limits set for her by someone else. 

When she limped away toward the locker rooms, I couldn’t help but go to the “What if...”. What if she hadn’t expected more of herself?

What if that was me? 10 years!! Could I be as tenacious and patient?  

When I was in the locker room (the same day), I ran into a woman I use to sing with.  I was stunned, in a happy way.  She looked radiant!!  She told me she’d lost 90 lbs.  “I’m on my way up to gym right now!”  What if she hadn’t worked on losing the weight? What if that was me?

The “What if...” made me feel grateful for what I have.  

I can’t say I haven’t ever indulged resentful energy to the “What if...” It doesn’t stir up gratitude. The past can’t be redone.  It’s over.  Using a “What if...” doesn’t change a thing.

The only “What if...” I want to think about is in the form of my goals. Cause and effect.  What if I do this?  What if I take care of myself, will I be healthy?  I prefer to be healthy.  But the result may not change what could happen to me today, tomorrow, or in the future.

Will it guarantee a certain outcome?  No. I prefer I can get what I want.  But in life there are no absolutes.  The only sure thing I have is this moment.  Me writing on my laptop in a small coffee shop.  Me working toward posting this on my blog.  

I can’t even count on anyone reading my words.  I want only that I’ve done the work to write.  I’ve composed part of me and I’ll share it with my readers. I prefer someone sees themselves in my words, but I’ll never know.  I don’t expect to be disappointed.  I will have accomplished what I want.

I've been interrupted several times this morning as I attempt to write.  What if I hadn’t taken the time to listen and interact with others?  I’d have been done two hours ago.  But, I would have missed the connection with others.  It’s this day, this moment.  There isn’t much room for “What ifs”.

What if....