Dead Skunk in the Middle of the Road

There’s no reason I have to believe in songs I hear.  Anymore than I have to accept a picture depicting my favorite flower or beach as absolute.  

So if there’s a song that keeps repeating itself in my head, I question the words and judge whether I want to bring those thoughts into my heart, close them out or replace them with new ones.

There’s nothing like a sad song to release some sorrow and open up some hard, walled up grief.  For me it releases some nugget of pain I’m holding in and I feel better when I sing it through. But, I want it to be true. 

I just recently sang at a St. Patrick’s Day program. Parting Glass was the last song. This song is a goodbye. A message from a loved one (friend or lover) who is passing on.

Of all the money that e'er I had

I spent it in good company

And all the harm I've ever done

Alas it was to none but me

And all I've done for want of wit

To mem'ry now I can't recall

So fill to me the parting glass

Good night and joy be to you all

So fill to me the parting glass

And drink a health whate’er befalls

And gently rise and softly call

Good night and joy be to you all

Of all the comrades that e'er I had

They're sorry for my going away

And all the sweethearts that e'er I had

They'd wish me one more day to stay

But since it fell unto my lot

That I should rise and you should not

I gently rise and softly call

Good night and joy be to you all

The goodbye itself is enough to make me choke up.  Then hearing someone with a Gaelic accent just adds to the power of the song.  (The Irish are quite the romantics)

I don’t agree with most of the words.  Not all the money I’ve ever spent was spent in good company.  I know for certain not all the harm I’ve done was really done to myself.  I have regrets and remorse and I’m sure I haven’t had to account for all the hurt I’ve caused. 

Entertaining the idea that when I’ve wronged someone it hurt me more than them isn’t very honest.  It sounds good in a song, though. (or when a parent is about to punish a child)

Wishing one more day of life by sweethearts and friends is fantasy.  Like that would settle the finality of saying goodbye and make it all fine. Parting is painful, whether it’s a death of a loved one or parting with a sweetheart.  

Wouldn’t it make life simple if all we had to do was to wait until we were about to die before we forgave someone?  Or before we asked their forgiveness?  Life is fragile and we don’t always get the luxury of one more day or one more word.

To think that on our parting breath we will have the wisdom we’ve searched for most of our life is crap! I think it’s possible to have peace and be ready to let go, but I don’t think that all the answers or solutions to our troubles will magically appear at the end of life.  

Music is an art.  It is intended to bring out some emotion or response from us. In the past I didn’t give much thought about whether the words were something I believed or not. I’d let myself be drawn in by the music and the words without thinking about them.  

Since I’ve been trying to learn to analyze my “Self-talk” to see where my negative feelings are springing from, I’ve also been analyzing the songs I’ve been singing. 

If I hear myself say (to myself), “You idiot!”  I put a check on it.  I don’t believe I’m an idiot, so that kind of self-talk is harmful.  

What about a song with the words,  “You are my everything.”  Is anyone our everything?  No, it’s not true.  If we believe it of anyone we’re headed for some major disappointment.  And if they believe it of us?  That would be impossible to live up to. Unrealistic for any relationship.

We are everything to ourselves.  We are ultimately all we have.  We are the first and the last person we answer to.  Does all this sound selfish?  Or does it sound like common sense?  Maybe we tell ourselves we’re selfish when realistically we’re giving ourselves some much needed TLC by caring about ourselves. 

I recently found a song called Wanderer’s Lullaby (Andriana Figueroa), on Youtube.  I want to feel worth something.  I want to feel necessary to this world.  I don’t think getting feedback from others is going to be as powerful as honest feedback I can pass on to myself.  I just have to learn to be more gentle with how I talk to myself or what goes into my brain through music. 

I still can’t get the words, “Dead skunk in the middle of the road, stinkin’ to high heaven”, out of my head.  Now those words are realistic!