Just Try to Stop Me

I think there are challenges in life and not all of them are thrown in our laps.

Yes, many of the challenges I’ve experienced have been thrown at me.  I either had to succumb to my own depression or apathy or meet the challenges and ascend through the tough stuff. (with help of course)

I made it through with some hard won lessons.  I learned I’m a survivor. 

I started to put challenges there for myself. No one else expected me to have those expectations except me. Most of the time they’re secret challenges. Goals I only tell myself are important and I work on reaching them.  Sometimes they’re physical goals, sometimes psychological goals and the hardest ones are the intellectual ones. I’m gaining more confidence but it’s been a lot of positive self-talk to get here. 

Part of the reason I’ve challenged myself is because I believe I shortchanged myself earlier in life.  I haven’t given myself enough credit.  I gave up too easily.  I believed lies instead of digging deeper for truth. I cheated myself.  I never thought life would be easy but thought there was more of a chance if a person followed the rules, worked hard and had faith.

I’ve just been on an incredible trip across Europe the last few weeks.  I managed most of it by myself.  I asked for help when I needed it.  I paid attention and focused on details, which isn’t my biggest strength. (I tend to get easily distracted with the new and wonderful)  I kept myself calm when I made mistakes and patted myself on the back when I figured things out and succeeded. (see my lost post about getting lost)

When there wasn’t a place for me, when I got to Denmark, I didn’t accept the couch.  I decided I needed to have an appropriate place to sleep, have privacy and be comfortable.  I told my host I was going to find a place to stay.  I also told her it was okay they didn’t have the room they’d plan on having done for when I visited, but that I was going to have to make other arrangements.  She stepped forward and helped me find a place within walking distance of her place and it was perfect.  (and inexpensive since they are neighbors)

Inside Sweet Retreat in Denmark

Very Old Guest House I Stayed in - Denmark

Me Taking This Picture.
Gesche and Gerhard's Family
Visiting During Holiday
(walking after eating so much) 

Gesche, Indiana and Gerhard
My Denmark Family - Always Fun!!

Neither of us had to feel badly.  Her and her husband are renovating a very old home and I understand time-lines are never what they are meant to be when doing work on a house. 

I didn’t let it ruin the fun and friendship we shared for seven days. It worked out even better since we both had our space.

The many times I've been lost (even with using the maps on Google and following the little blue dot toward my destination) I kept plugging away at figuring out what I was doing wrong.  Sometimes it was me and other times it was Google Maps confused by the circular city centers in Germany and Prague. 

Destination NOT Always in the Big Print
(Train Station in Berlin)

My Kids Taught Me to Take
a Screen Shot if I'm Worried About Not Having
a Good Connection on my phone (or none at all)

I’m not as quick to blame myself for being an idiot, anymore.  I’m not stupid. I’ve learned from my children to go through the process to figure things out.  Even when there’s the so called, perfect app to use doesn’t mean it works perfectly all the time.

When I wanted to use my credit card to get cash in different countries (in different currencies) I started to panic thinking my card was denying the transaction.  Then I remembered Holden pointing out certain ATMs that work for international cards and others that don’t. I texted him to ask him which ones he said worked. He was glad to remind me.

I Took a Photo in Case
I Forgot-  Soooo Much Info. to Remember

I found out the ATMs at the train stations and airports were the most successful.  Just because a local bank says it’s an International ATM doesn’t mean it will honor my U.S. Visa (even if the picture of Visa is on the front of the machine!)

I’ve been more likely to ask for help than usual this trip.  Everyone says, “Ask someone where….”  But, it’s not as easy being me as you may think.  I struggle to ask for help.  I’m learning it is much easier, though. When I do ask for help I make myself listen, take notes and keep track of what works and what doesn’t. 

In the Prague Train Station I found out that S means north in Czech and E means west. The more I travel the more I see how ludicrous my assumptions are that my culture and language is the go-to one. It’s easy for the knee-jerk reaction to be one of being raised American, speaking English.

Another crazy thing I have done more in the past is assume the answer will be no.  People can be so accommodating and sweet if only given the chance. I’m learning to give them the chance. More often they’re helping because they want to, not because they feel obligated.

I saw a woman this morning at the Prague airport as I was drinking my coffee very early.  She was about my age.  She had on a thick, heavy fur coat and a Russian-style fur hat.  She had a very large purse and a small suitcase on wheels.  When she got to the escalator she dropped the handle to her bag three times.  She let it fall the fourth time and put both her arms up as if to say she’d given up.  (she looked frustrated, but more angry than anything, like she expected someone to help her). 

I thought she was with the young woman behind her, because she looked in her direction.  But, when the woman looked at her with her arms up (like, "You need to help me!").  The younger woman stepped to the side and proceeded to pull out her phone and look at it, ignoring the woman.

The woman took a few more minutes to get the handle again to her bag, turned toward the escalator and proceeded down with no trouble at all.  (continuing with her disgusted demeanor)

I’m telling this story because this woman really didn’t need help.  She just needed to be okay with frustration and okay with no one caring whether she helped herself or not.  

Another situation I saw today was at the Amsterdam Airport. Someone really did need help.  A young woman stepped forward to help without being asked.  There was a blind man with a female partner.  He looked pale and she was helping him navigate an extremely, noisy, busy part of the airport to get to the gate.  The woman not only helped them but made sure everyone got out of their way so they could proceed to the front of the line at the gate and made sure they got help.

 If I truly need help I don’t have to be dramatic to get someone’s attention.  As Holden says, “You’re like everyone’s mom!”  And I think that’s been true.  But it may also be true I don’t have a look on my face like I'm entitled to help. I’m willing to put the work into figuring some things out.

Today’s my birthday.  I’m sixty-one and still learning.  I may just get some ice-cream to celebrate sixty-one years of progress. (I’m not going to count the steps backwards because they’ve ultimately taken me forward)

Baby Steps....
(artist David Cerny-Prague)