I Feel The Pain

Powerful forces drown my heart.

I miss being loved and loving you.

The pressure of loss takes my breath away.

I press my ear to your bare skin. 

Your heart throbs through your ribcage, 

a small “click” with each beat 

reaches me in the stillness,

as we lie there.

Your baby-soft skin, your silky hair, 

Your hands like torches, ignite fires.

My heart feels like a backed up river,

It pushes and hammers at the blocked dam.

I cry for access through the barriers I designed.

There’s nowhere for me to go.

I pound into the river bank instead,

Bruised by each impact.

From reminders of how we held hands,

kissed in the park,

How we sat silently,

with a cup of coffee in our hands, on Liberty Street.

Our eyes look out the window at the people who pass.

I smile to I hear you explain how I should let my feminine side out

while you push yours deeper inward.

You claim you can’t sing,

but your rich voice is full and undeniable.

And you dance.  Ahhh, you dance.

And you know your sweet, southern voice sends sensations through my soul.

Why fashion a dam to keep myself from you?

From your kindness, wisdom, maturity, humor and endless longing to learn?

I am meant to nurture and explore the world.

You stay caught up in the past, as it shackles you.

I see the world as open and full of possibilities.

You see it as closed and want walls built to keep out your fears.

If you unleash the capable power inside you,

you’ll be able to give yourself fully to this life.

I want to direct my energies from you, from us.

I want to still these pervasive-persuasive waters

from churning and biting at my resolve.

It’s painful, sad and chokes me from my sleep.

I feel like a child isolated in a dark room. 

When I wake-aware…alone, 

I fear the darkness.

And you, my love?

Don't forget me.

Certainly don’t forget how it feels to smile,

to love, be loved and to play.

I won’t.