Danish Formula for Happiness?

Painting at the Fish Market

Being part of a Danish family this past month, has been an eye-opener is so many ways.

I didn’t realize my American culture had so many negative, embedded, social behaviors. Or maybe not negative, but non-existent. I think in an earlier era they existed, but I'm not so sure they do anymore.

I’ll have to explain by describing what I experienced.

I was told when the second door to an entrance of a home is open, it means, “You are welcome, we are home.” More often on the weekend, but also I saw it during the Easter week holiday. I began to look at the doors (in homes) when we were out on excursions, or even when we went to town. I was astonished at how many were opened, exactly as it was explained to me.

The Front Room at Gesche's

When we went visiting a few relatives of my friend, Geshe’s, she didn’t call ahead. We just went and saw whether the door was open or not. Most apologized for the mess (which was not a fact at all) and invited us in and offered tea or something stronger.

I thought to myself, “No way are they going to be pleased to see us, especially since we didn’t let them know at least 24 hours ahead of time.” But, they were! They stopped what they were doing and treated us like we had planned our visit ahead.

Gesche Listening to Stories From Her Cousin While Visiting

Cold Water, Special Plates and Chocolate Cake

I witnessed Gesche, several times, while working hard in her yard, stopping and talking to whoever came by and wanted to chat with her. She gave them all the time they wanted and acted like she had nothing better to do with her time than visit with them.

Gesche, Working on the Garden Box Gerhard Built For Her

One day, friends she hadn’t seen in quite a long time, stopped by and without hesitation she stopped working, made coffee, prepared some snacks on her beautiful, antique plates and had them sit in the sun with us. It ended up being two hours of her time, but she didn’t give it a thought. There were no complaints. And even though Gesche eats raw food she always came up with some other options for her guests that she got out of her cupboard for just those occasions.

One evening when we were dropping off keys to a woman named, Ingrid, for our rowing coach, I told Gesche, “I’ll wait in the car in case she doesn’t want company.” Gesche told me it wouldn’t be a problem and I followed her and Gerhard to the door.

http://schriftsteller-in-sh.de/mitglied/ingrid-brase-schloe (Ingrid's website)

Now Ingrid is over 93 years old. Before she answered the door, while we were standing outside, I wondered how she would react when she opened the door and saw all three of us standing at her door like we expected to be invited in.

Ingrid

When we got there daylight was gone, it was raining, and she was in her bathrobe. She opened her door and immediately invited the three of us in. We soon had a silver, shot glass before us with a special berry-blend of liqueur (with a handwritten label).

We stayed more than an hour. Ingrid and Gesche told stories (Ingrid was a friend of her late mother) and I enjoyed every minute of the visit (even though they spoke German and Danish and I was only able to catch on to few things they were talking about) But, the laughter, friendship and “Skoal” when we toasted each other, was lovely.

When we were leaving, Ingrid took us to the door and stood at the entrance, (in the rain, dark and cold)and waved to us until we were out of sight. She didn't know we were coming to drop off the keys. She didn't even question why we were there.

Small Town Nearby

Wedding invitations were hand-delivered to many family members, while I was in Denmark. Gerhard and Gesche have been married since January, but they have planned a grand event for family and friends to celebrate their marriage, in July. They hand-wrote the envelopes and inside they both signed the invitations. I met many of her cousins and they were truly pleased to have an invitation delivered to them personally.

These times were to revisit family stories, get out old pictures or talk about family members who have passed away. I also heard stories of ancestors, long passed, who had lived in this area of Denmark. Several times when we were visiting someone, they asked if we’d like to go for a walk. Gesche did the same when she had visitors. She took them down to the beach, by the sea. A slow, casual walk with talking and laughing.

Family-Looking at Old Photos

“I don’t want to bother them,” is the thought that comes into my head when I think of visiting cousins or friends in my home-town. But, is it really bothering them? Maybe it’s just the thing to reignite a family bond and pass on family history.

A Hot Danish Fire
(Danish-Made Wood Stove)

I thought of my cousin, Jim Ryerse and his wife, Hilda, while I was in Denmark. When I’m visiting, up north, I often don’t go and visit them. I think of them, I honk when I go by their house, but I don’t usually stop.

I also thought of my cousin, Mark Ahlich. He has always been eager to converse and hug when Mom and I have stopped by. But, I don’t always connect with him or his siblings while in town.

And my cousin Cro-Jo and her husband, Frank. Why don’t I keep the family bonds alive while living? It makes sense.

I distinctly remember times when my Aunt Madge stopped by our home when she was still alive. I loved hearing her stories and her voice. Without those visits I would have seen little of her as I grew up.

She lived less than a mile from me.

I could have easily walked to my Grandma Lee’s house when I was younger. But, it was never a social skill I learned or used. I went when I was invited. I saw more of Mrs. Henderson, down the street, (she was always out in the yard) than I did of my grandma.

Tea or drinks, cookies or sweets are not for nourishment. They are for bonding an attachment easily weakened over time.

Gesche spent hours making her special cakes to bring with her when she was visiting. Only once did she stop by a bakery to buy a chocolate cake for one of her cousins. She wasn’t about to go empty-handed to visit.

While we visited no one excused themselves to answer their cells phones. The television were never on. Time seemed to stand still for company.

As Gesche says, “It’s more important to connect with family while they’re alive than to see them at a funeral when someone dies.”

A hug, a warm handshake, a kiss on the cheek. A shot of schnapps, a cold beer, a hot coffee, a hot tea, cake, and cookies. All healing gifts to us. And just as healing when we give them to others. Maybe that’s one of the reasons Denmark is known to be the second happiest country in the world. Maybe we’re missing some of the most potent medicine available to us. Sharing love.

Even Stopping By to Get Fresh Fish
Time Was Spent Full of Conversation
No Hurry

Gesche and Gerhard Buying New Birdhouses
(The Man who hand-built the houses spent half an hour
explaining where, when, and how to place them. No hurry)