A Valentine Day Letter of Forgiveness

 

Feb. 13, 2017

                                                              

Dear Body,

I realize we’ve been together for sixty years.   Sorry I didn’t give it much thought on our fiftieth or the forty-nine prior.  I’ve neglected communication with you in many, many ways, since we were put together on this earth.  I’ve taken you for granted and I know it’s unacceptable.  You keep in touch with me on a daily basis and I really regret not acknowledging how difficult your part has been in our relationship. 

Yes, I know, it’s what you do, but it doesn’t mean I had the right to ignore how amazing you’ve been to me.  I’ve decided to address this unbalanced relationship we’ve had and give more back to you in the future.  I only remember a couple of times I’ve ever even hugged you.  You are always present to me and yet I look right through you, like you are invisible.  You have been so strong through all my crap! Please forgive me. 

I seem to chastise you much more than I ever praise you.  It’s not fair and I will be more conscious of how I treat you, beginning now.  Where has your patience come from?  I’m surprised you haven’t dumped me long ago.  Your love and attention to me has been unwavering.  Thank you.    

I do love you.  I want it to be said.  You are everything to me.  I’m sorry for thinking you are less than you need to be.  When I’ve called you names I didn’t care how it would make you feel.  I understand if you don’t readily accept my apology.  My behavior has been merciless toward you, for the duration of our relationship.  You are beautiful and precious to me.   I hope it’s not too late to talk to you about all this.

So many times I have overused you.  I understand why you would eventually become exhausted and not be able to perform normally, when I asked you.  Well, I should say,  “IF”  I even showed enough respect to ask you. The times you’ve punished me,  I now understand.  I know I deserved to be stopped in my tracks, especially since I’ve been deaf to you and it becomes destructive to you.  I believe you haven’t been vindictive when you’ve started to shut down and distanced yourself from me.  I know better and am telling you now, I’m determined to do better.  I’ve deserved to learn the hard way. 

I’ve never thanked you for how in tune you’ve been to my sexuality. I could have listened more carefully, given you more time, and respected you so much more. I could have been more in harmony with you. I know I usually think too much, instead of trusting you.  I want to honor your sensitivity and wisdom.

  

You had so much respect and resilience through my two pregnancies. How you ever carried the extra weight, before my children were born, I’ll never know.  I recently saw a pregnant picture of my niece, Carolyn, and I had forgotten how amazing you held up through their growth inside me.  You came through stupendously in labor.  You could have given up at any time, especially when all I was doing was complaining about the pain.  Oh, and the strain of breastfeeding on you, many times a day!  You didn’t balk at the extra work, but I sure didn’t like it (and let you know about it) when you had a deadline for the milk had to be emptied. I’m sorry.  It was incredible.  You are knowledgeable and capable.  I couldn’t have done any of those things without you. 

Same story about my voice. All those times I sang without a microphone.  All those years of over-use when I was teaching. You never gave up on me.  You hung in there, in spite of my neglect. You rose to the challenges I gave you, even though I never appreciated you (at any point in our relationship) for what you’ve accomplished.

I fought with you when you were trying to tell me about my allergies.  I let you suffer year after year, thinking I could control all of them on my own, without your input.  I’m sorry.  To ignore you was arrogant and selfish.  And stupid.  All those signals you kept trying to give me and I disregarded your expertise.

Thank you for supporting me and working with me when I exercised  or during any other multiple tasks I required of you.  You have an amazing memory and I  rarely gave you credit for shining through.  Only now do I appreciate your insistence on warning me with pain, when I was injured.  My stubborn, know-it-all attitude would have depleted this body over the years.  If you hadn’t insisted on blaring your horn at me, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have yielded.  And now I need you more than ever.

Please don’t tell me it’s too late for us to work together.  I will never find anyone like you.  We have shared every second of the past together.  We have come through the good and the bad together.  I don’t want to lose you now.  I need you.  I want every inch, every cell, every piece of you.  I see now the perfection of you, the beauty of you.  

I’m writing this letter to you now, because tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.  I want to start again with you.  I want a chance to make things right.  I hope there is a possibility for another chance.     I know I don’t deserve what I’m asking of you.   

If your answer is yes, I promise, I won’t let you down.  

Yours Forever,

With Love,

Maggie 

p.s. Happy Valentine’s Day                                  

xoxoxox