My Son's Leap
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| My Son, Holden |
Coping styles vary with each person. As different as individual designs on butterfly wings. Trial and error coping at times. Other times planned and plotted like a strategy in a chess game.
I use to believe an ability to cope was a matter of luck. I thought the more fortunate a person was, the better they were able to cope . I don’t believe that any more. It could be in the past I was hoping it was just luck. Because coping isn’t easy. I think I hung on to my belief in luck or providence otherwise I would have had to admit it was hard, hard work. Believing it’s luck is an easy way out.
Well, actually, it’s not an easy way out. Not coping is one of the most painful routes I’ve ever taken. It’s like a long, long stumble through a maze that dead ends and when you get to the dead end you realize you have to back-track all the way, to start a new direction.
My son recently wrote a guest blog for The Opera Stage. He writes so sincerely about his struggle to find his singing voice after he starts taking testosterone injections. It’s incredible he can verbalize his emotional and physical pain. What’s even more incredible to me is he knew the process would be difficult, if not impossible.
But, he knew he had to cope with whatever came at him. He wasn’t willing to compromise his goals because of the huge obstacles he saw ahead. He took the leap. Not blindly, either. He had strategies. He did the work ahead. He prepared as much as he could and suffered through the unexpected. He continues doing the hard work to achieve his goals. The power of his ability to cope astounds me.
I read Holden’s post and listened to his voice recordings of past and present… over and over. I was chilled by his strength. He shows he’s not only dedicated to achieving his goals, but how compassionate he is to share his struggle with other transitioning people so they can learn about possible obstacles.
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| Holden's Professional Card (Front) |
I wonder if he realizes how his “leap” affected me. Or how it affected others. He didn’t say, “If I..,” or “When I…” he made his choices, set his goals and said, “Now!” He leaves all of us behind on the precipice to take our turn, in some minor or extraordinary way to leap.
To leap is to live. To leap isn’t being fearless. It’s extremely fearful. But, don’t forget the crippling fear of holding back, standing on the edge of decision. Who’s to say standing on the precipice doesn’t have it’s own dangers? We could fall back. We could get trampled as we wait. Never will there be a smooth life or choice for us. It’s in the coping and in learning new ways to cope we find joy and happiness. We learn to adjust to become stronger.
Not a leap of luck, not a leap without setbacks, not even a leap without knowing damn-well there’s no way to know how things will turn out.
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| Holden Madagame (You continue to enrich my life, son) |
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