A Place for Us

Germany seems far away, not just in miles but in the impossibility of my being able to squeeze my son Holden.  The distance is wide.

Holden, in Berlin

I’ve proclaimed many times why it’s important for me to make memories with my loved ones.   When we're away from each other the memories cement the moments we do have forever.

Holden met me in Berlin, at Tegel Airport, just a month ago today.  If I close my eyes I can see his worried look in the terminal, as he looked for me. My phone was dead when I got off the plane, I forgot to keep it charged, so there wasn't any

way we could contact each other.

When I saw Holden my knees almost gave out from my surging emotions.  My son.  Looking out for his mom.  Ready to take everything away from me to carry, after our long awaited hug.  

Holden Madagame

He looks great.  He’s strong, healthy and most importantly, a loving piece of humanity.  He’s not growing any moss under his feet.  He knows what he wants and whether he achieves his goals or not doesn’t keep him from aiming, he’s on it with a passion. 

Holden arranged for me to stay with his friends Zoey and Carl when I arrived.  These two friends of Holden’s are amazing.  They opened up their home to me like I was the long lost neighbor they had been waiting forever for. 

Carl With Me at the Party

These are just two of the many friends I met of Holden’s.  I was introduced to a spectrum of personalities, interests, careers and compassions when I met his friends.  To top off this stacked-up banana split he even had a party for me with his friends so I could meet them.

Cool Hannah

The food!!  The conversations, the sun coming through his apartment windows, the host (Holden), making sure everyone had what they needed to be comfortable with a big dose of home sweet home.

The food?  Delicious, colorful, plentiful.  I added deviled eggs for my contribution.  Salads, breads, crab dips, small tomatoes, shrimp, fruit, cheeses, chocolates, squid, homemade strawberry cupcakes and cookies, olives and two kinds of homemade hummus.

Conversations to Keep in My Memory

The memories spending time with my son are embedded.  On Mother’s Day he took me to a Sunday pazzar in Berlin.  He wasn’t feeling up to snuff and he was going to have no part of resting and putting off our plans for the day.  Eventually we met two of his friends at the pazzar who joined us for awhile.  

Holden didn’t rush me when I was checking out all the booths.  I loved to watch him looking at the items for sale, touching any he saw interesting, and putting them back down on the table.  Money is tight for him and I witnessed his strong will to be frugal over and over.  I tried beg him to let me buy him something, “Mom! No! It’s Mother’s Day, it’s not about you buying me something!”.  

RIght Up my Alley, Gemstones and Rocks

It wasn’t easy to persuade him.  But, as the day went on I finally stopped him, touched his arm, then touched my chest over my heart and said, “Holden. You have to realize there’s nothing more satisfying to me, as your mother, to give you something.  It’s part of being a mother.  I don’t get to do this very often.  I want to do this while I’m here with you.”

I admit.  Getting through his reluctance was about as difficult as me rowing a boat without any oars, but I finally convinced him it was important to me.

There was music in the center of the pazzar.  The musicians set up next to the river.  We sat down on the ground with more than fifty other shoppers, taking a rest next to the river to eat our South African cuisine we found from a booth close by.

This may seems pretty insignificant.  But having Holden there beside me is a memory nothing can detract from.  It’s mine and I intend to revisit it as often as I want along with many others I plucked up when I was there.

Holden's Tatoo

Talking to Elizabeth on Mother's Day and Sending a Selfie

One of them is the glorious three hours I had the chance to spend watching Holden rehearse for “The Marriage of Figaro”, with his co-artists.  I’m not able to describe this precious time so I’m sharing some pictures.

Holden’s close friend, Hannah, met me one day so we could go to the Neuse Museum to see the bust of Nefertiti.  She knew right where to go and we spent a lot of time in that part of the museum quietly enjoying the artifacts from Egypt.

Hannah Meeting Holden, Emma, and Me for a Picnic

The cool thing about meeting my kids' friends is they each reflect a part of Holden and Elizabeth.  I enjoy the spontaneity of being with someone who shares the love and passion I have for my kids.  

And that brings me to Emma.  Both her and Holden blossom when they’re together.  It’s magical.  Sounds corny but it’s there. I witnessed it many times when I saw them together.  The eye contact, the soft touches, the smiles, the harmony they exude when they’re together, I think it’s reasonable to say…it’s magical.

We Met for Dinner at an Italian Restaurant

When I came to the Washtenaw Dairy, this morning.  I saw the headlines in the newspapers.  I don’t have television and it’s times like these I’m convinced it’s the best thing for me.  The wasted lives, the grief, the fear, the obvious ignorance in people still circulating around our country is horrifying.

My son, Holden, is transgender.  He is far away from me living in Berlin.  But I’m happy he’s in a safer place for him.  He recently got a two year extension, on his visa, for Germany.  I couldn’t be happier. 

I’m not saying there is a “perfect” place, anywhere.   Unless humans on this planet can embrace our differences rather than trying to kill them with violence and hatred, the fears will continue to be fed.  

Each time someone repeats the talk of hate, makes fun of our many differences, says nothing when another person hand-feeds them with ignorance, the hate is fertilized and given more space to grow.

The last thing I wanted to do this morning was to write about the fear my son has to live with because he is being true to himself.  I find it very ironic he’s living in a country which was plagued with the evil Hitler in the past.  He feels safer there than he would on the shores of the United States, especially Michigan, his home state. 

It’s not a country or a state or a culture or a religion that keeps us safe.  It’s more of the demographics of where humanity’s heart is and how open it is to everyone’s quality of life.

Enough said.  Tears come to my eyes when I try to find words to share my disappointment in humanity.

Sooooooo, today is a day to be happy and celebrate.  My daughter Elizabeth is celebrating her birthday in Istanbul today.  

My nephew, Brendan, just graduated this weekend from high school, in Troy, Michigan.  Congratulations, Cutie.  You’re a loving, sweet, intelligent, humorous, and handsome young man.  My hope goes to each new generation that enters our work-study-living world.  

We can do this.  We can turn around this stagnate thinking, but only with our innovative young people, like you, is it possible.  Jump in Brendan and remember to have fun, too.

My mantra today?  Malice for none.  Humility of my own.  I will never be perfect... but I can be viable.