In the Event of an Emergency...

I know I’ve written before on unexpected things that can happen to us.  I believe most of what I’ve written.  But, it still surprises me when it happens to me, personally.

I sometimes think the only way we can function (in a normal way) is to know surprises exist.  We don’t need to hold on to the fantasy we have total control of our life.  I think it’s healthy to realize the enormity of how our life can change in a moment.  Not just because we’re aging, not because we have a hereditary disease, not because we are careless or because we abuse our bodies or expose them to extreme stress or chemicals.

Just because….no one could ever exhaust all the variables after those two words, just because… 

Why write about this?  I guess because the last two weeks have been a series of surprises for me.

A few days after Thanksgiving I felt a numbing, heavy, unceasing pain in my chest and upper back.  I kept trying to catch my breath and thought through what I was going to do about the pain.  Especially since I started burping, too.

“I need to go to the Emergency Room, it’s not far from here and I’m having symptoms of a heart attack.  It’s probably nothing, but I don’t want to be stupid waiting too long.”

I truly thought they’d check me out and I’d be sent home.  I was extremely relieved when the drugs relieved the pain.  HA!  I spent three days and two nights.  Sticky things put all over my chest, IV, blood drawn, temperature taken, blood pressure recorded….the whole drill.  

My privacy, my independence and my confidence stripped.  As quick as a cloud can cover up the sun in December.  It is a comfort to know my heart is strong and it wasn’t a heart attack.  I also have no positive results for the hepatitis A through E.  The doctors ended up more worried about my liver enzymes in my blood work when all the tests results on my heart came back.

On the day I was to be released, a team of three doctors and two interns stood at the end of my hospital bed and told me they didn’t know what caused the pain.  It could have been a virus attacking one part of my body or an infection jump-starting the reaction or….they weren’t sure.  

I understood it wasn’t clear. I was okay with their expertise and was more than okay I was getting out of the hospital.  They advised me to continue medical help with my primary physician and eliminate more factors. (not find things, but eliminate others)  For a few days I was extremely exhausted (which is understandable-there’s little sleep while in the hospital).  

The liver enzymes went down to a normal range, but the exhaustion continues.  My doctor told me it could be “mono” rearing it’s ugly head. (I had mono more than thirty years ago) The Epstein-Barr virus lays dormant until….

I gaged my energy level, this weekend, so I could sing in three performances with my chorale. Two on Saturday and one yesterday.  I’m yawning as I post this.  My plan is to swim (to help boost my immunity), go to the post office, and then get home to take a nap.

Will all go as planned?  Who knows.  Will it go more like planned if I worry?  Unlikely.

Hell, the internet might go out while I try to post this to my blog!  One thing at a time, breathe, smile and be fearless.  It works for me.