Open the Door
Shaheen, a man I recently met, took me by surprise. He was intense and passionate about life and not embarrassed about his personality.
He said he was seventy and his mother died at forty-six and he had to take each day of his life as a gift. He has traveled forty-some countrys, speaks three languages and understands three more.
We met when we both stopped by a Ground-Cover-person to donate money for her homelessness recovery. It got the two of us started on a conversation about conversing with people.
He said, “I don’t want to bother with preliminaries. I have no time for small talk. I want to talk to interesting people who are not afraid to be themselves and have no pre-conceived ideas about someone they meet.”
His honesty was refreshing. His intensity when speaking was unusual. He kept constant eye-contact and didn’t hesitate to disagree with anything I said. So, I didn’t hesitate to do the same with him. I met his wife and sister-in-law briefly. They moved on passed us to shop and we continued our conversation.
Shaheen is an elderly, East-Indian gentleman. Well-groomed, with very little, graying hair, dark eyes and eyebrows and slight in weight. At times, when he was talking, he’d used his left hand to emphasize his point in the conversation. I saw Shaheen as a person infused with confidence, well-educated and serious, if not solemn.
I enjoyed the fact he could close out the activity of people around us and focus so well on our visit. The tactic I saw working well was his close-proximity to me. His head leaned forward toward me to emphasize concentration. He left no doubt in anyone’s mind he was saying, nonverbally, “Don’t not disturb us, we are deep in conversation!”
When he told me he has aspirations to be a comedian someday, I roared with laughter. Not in any part of my imagination could I have thought he’d be funny!
Before we exchanged names, we discussed the importance of not letting a quick, pre-conceived idea about someone we meet, prejudice us against knowing the person better. How important it is not to give your first impression too much weight. It may blind you to other parts of the person you don’t let yourself open to see.
I’ve been reading Leo Buscaglia’s book,
Bus 9 to Paradise.
Buscaglia points out, “Happiness, in the Eastern world, has little to do with acquiring material things which we so often use as a measure of a person’s worth in our culture. Asians find happiness in the recognition of what one already has, and the development and full appreciation of it. They believe that each person is perfect as is, but must work to reflect that perfection. They believe that a life lived fully is one that is being lived in the present.
Living fully each moment, at the moment, means living with enthusiasm and spontaneity. It is not only learning the exciting possibilities available to us in each moment, it is learning to create them, as well.”
Shaheen created the moment for us to converse and in turn, I took an opportunity to talk to someone who I thought was passionate and interesting. This connection between people I meet isn’t common. It’s too uncommon.
Buscaglia says it is his experience Americans don’t really value themselves. He says we live our life wishing we were someone else. And we “..undervalue our talents and question our worth”. He believes Westerners think it’s a waste of time to understand ourselves. We even think it’s selfish.
Shaheen, from my American perspective, could have been seen as “Bragging” or “Tooting his own horn” about his accomplishments and knowledge. But, honestly? I’m tired of false modesty. It was refreshing to hear his self-confidence and pride.
Buscaglia says, “I have been wondering lately whatever happened to pride. Not pride in the sense of arrogance or an exaggerated sense of self-importance, but rather a feeling of self-respect, high expectations and value relating to oneself, and a reasonable sense of one’s world.”
I jotted a couple of notes while talking to Shaheen. I’ve already ordered a used version of Global Soul, by Pico Iyer, he recommended.
Shaheen said his mother is on the front cover of Hoops of Fire: Fifty Years of Fiction by Pakistani Women, by Aamer Hussein (Editor) I looked to see if I could also purchase this book. The cheapest used version was $78, so I guess I’ll try checking that out at the library.
People enrich our lives. But they can only give to us if we open up ourselves to them.
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