Ballast in Rough Waters

Moving through sad feelings to the other side has been difficult for me lately.

I’m a bit surprised.  I thought with all my experience and practical practice getting through tough times I would have more ballast to help give me stability in rough waters.

Picture from Chicago to Mackinac Race

I sway back and forth.  Happy-Sad, Happy-Sad.  When I tip too far over on the melancholy side I just want to lie down on my soft couch, the hard floor on my yoga mat or my bed with the shades closed.

It really isn’t any use fighting this feeling.  I guess that’s what the “Being Emotionally Healthy” experts say.  Let it be what it is.  Let it take it’s course.  Ride the dragon.

But, there comes a point in time when not letting myself succumb to shutting down is crucial.  That much I’ve learned from experience.  A sure relief is getting outside, getting away from the familiar, moving my body.  If it’s moving toward the swimming pool, at the Y, even better. 

Making an effort to text or make a call to a loved one helps.  It’s not important they know I’m having a tough time.  It’s the human connection, the feeling of being part of the whole even if I’m the one isolating myself.

Writing about this might be helpful to someone who’s feeling down, moving through an emotional time.  Not to say out there, “Hey!  I’m hurting here!  I need a bandaid!  I need someone!” No, not like that.  It helps to process in words.  It helps to know perhaps my experience might give someone else a spark of light to get through.

I’ve learned I don’t need anyone to give me a bandaid.  I don’t need anyone to fix me.  I’m the only one who can smooth over the cracks in my confidence and begin again.  I know how to do this.  I’m good at this!  Well…....An unelicited call from someone asking, “Are you okay?”  “How are you doing?’  “What are you up to today?” is an amazing feel-good-pill.

I do have a lot of interests. I hate to call them hobbies.  It makes it sound like glueing together a WWI plane from a box and painting it.  Not to say it might not be the perfect interest for someone else.  I have to acknowledge when I’m down I find creativity tricky.  It could happen when I get a project out to create, I feel empty and don’t do anything.  Then, there are other times getting involved in a project helps and I'm inspired.  

When I pick up my guitar the emptiness hits differently.  I can’t sing without emotions coming to the forefront.  It stinks, but it’s another facet of moving through things.  I neglect the interest I love the most.

Engage with others, help a stranger.  Give.  A few days ago I saw signs in a neighbor’s yard, “Sale By Owner” (with open house dates and times).  I made a little note and tied a ribbon to it in order to hang it on the doorknob.  I wrote I was thinking about them and hoped their open house went well during the weekend.   When I walked up the narrow red-bricked sidewalk to hang the note, a man came to the door.  I explained I was going to leave a note on the door handle, but instead I handed it to him. (I didn’t want him to think I was selling Avon or something)  

He read it.  I stood there, very self-conscious.  Very NOT like the anonymous-note-leaver.  He explained his mother (I later found out she died recently) worked her whole life developing a sense of community and started the neighborhood watch, 25 years ago. He was so happy with my small note.  He was truly surprised and touched.  Mmmm, it felt good. 

If nothing else works writing is an interest that always works and makes me feel better.  It helps me open up honestly and lets the emotions be what they are.  A chance to quit judging them and think about them more rationally.  When I’m finally able to put them in words, bare-naked, in front of me, I can hang on to them, tie them up to a strong helium balloon and let them fly.  

Is that it?  Just let them go? I would be the “Pollyanna” my daughter Elizabeth has called me at times, if I said it was true.  I think I'll explain further.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bhyKS_SWPM

Not all my emotions are altruistic.  Far from it.  Many of them come from stories I’ve told myself.  From selfish-ego places.  From the kid in me who’s back on Truckey Street, not quite grown up. 

Five Cronan Girls
(I'm the one in front)

Emotions can take a lot of work.  It’s not easy to leash them and pull them back into a sensible place.  Going to my therapist certainly helps me reign in.  

Not all feelings of melancholy are conscious, either.  I can feel it in my body sometimes when I'm  in denial consciously.  "I'm okay!"  "Things are great!"  If my body tells me a different story I work on self-care.  A hot bath. 

Resting on my couch reading a good book.  A mocha at Mighty Good.  Extra time stretching and working on sore muscles.  Making myself fix a meal, hungry or not.  Lots and lots of tea.  

And laughter!  Allowing it to heal those physical places only laughter can touch.  I’ve been watching the “Fraser” seasons on my computer.  Niles, Frasers’s brother, is even funnier than Dick VanDyke. 

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hERoXPFSQwM 

Here’s my list.  I’d love to hear any ideas from anyone doing the work. (I call it DTW-Do The Work) I’m not alone in this process and I’m pretty sure some of my readers have gone through the jungle or desert and survived. Doing their own kind of DTW.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMJsCgTvf8Y

My DTW-“Do The Work”:

Quit judging my emotions or self

Cry

Quit fighting my emotions and ride through 

Get outside, away from the familiar

Cry

Engage in exercise

Talk to friends and family

Talk to therapist

Cry

Admit no one else is going to do this work for me

Be creative. Be creative in being creative

Actively engage in helping someone else

Laugh