Valentine's Day Loneliness
I’m looking out my dirty window and the sun isn’t disappointing me. It’s warm and full of energy.
I’ll be staying inside. It’s thirty below zero (windchill). I feel it in the floors, kitchen counter tiles, and from the walls.
I hear the heater kick on over and over. Mother Nature wins on a wintery day like this. It feels cold. I keep picking up my coffee to drink, before it cools.
Yesterday, I was out walking on Valentine’s Day. It was bitter cold and blizzard-white. I felt safer walking than in a car, though. Being blinded walking is easier to navigate than at the wheel. I stopped walking, to re-adjust my long, teal scarf (so I could cover my face) and I almost lost control of it. I had to spin around to get the wind to whip it back to me.
I confess, I love the cold. I feel alive to my bones, but I was SO glad to get home out of the weather!
In spite of the frigid weather, I saw people hugging bundles of cellophane-wrapped flowers. I figured they were trying to get them to someone, before they turned into money flushed down the toilet.
I saw a tall, older man, daintily holding a square, wrapped box of chocolates, by the its long, red ribbon. He was leaving the chocolate shop, on Liberty. When the wind hit him and his pride of chocolates, they both looked like a ship, flailing in a sea storm.
He had the right idea. Chocolates don’t wilt or discolor in the cold. A better investment for the dollar because you can eat them.
I’ve been alone on Valentine’s Day before. A day on the calendar symbolizing “Love” has a lot of power. It can cause a person to feel lonely. I usually wish for someone to share the day with.
My memories come back of wrapped gifts and surprise bouquets. Elaborate Russell Stover, heart-shaped boxes of chocolates. Oversized cards with messages of undying love and devotion. Hand-made cards from my children with many hugs and kisses. First Grade school-parties, with cupcakes, candy, and plenty of Valentines.
I was determined to have an open mind this February 14th. I promised myself I wasn’t going to let a holiday determind my mood. It wasn’t going to be about me receiving. It wasn’t going to be about me being alone and missing the kissy-face-love and companionship.
I made this promise, in January. I started early, making my own Valentine Day cards and rocks, to send out to a few of my loved ones. I invested time and affection in each one. My pleasure was knowing my “You’re loved” messages in the mail, would cause a smile when received.
Simple. No expectations. No response. No reciprocation. No “I want to hold your hand” feeling. The messages I sent caused me to smile and feel good, too.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipADNlW7yBM (the Beatles)
Loneliness means to be affected with a depressed feeling of being alone.
When I decided to reach out with messages, to mingle with the masses and observe others celebrating Valentine’s Day, I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel depressed. I was alone, not lonely.
I’m grateful. I’m still able to learn and put what I learn into practice.
I might not be able to tame Mother Nature and the weather in Michigan, but I can dress for it and not let it control me.
I might not be able to control society’s “Should” and “Need to”, but I can prepare ahead and not let my emotions be controlled by the pressure. (real or imagine)
I thought a lot about my Aunt Carol Howdyshell this Valentine’s Day. It was her birthday. It was also the first since her husband, Floyd, died. She lost her son, Mark to death recently, too. I feel for those grieving emotions that spiral and make us sad. Emotions that aren’t even in the same league as those “I Want to Hold Your Hand” emotions.
I think of people losing someone to a slow or quick death. I think about my sister, Karen. Her sons' loss, her twin-sister's loss, mom's loss, our loss.
No, I wasn't lonely on Valentine's Day. I have a heart full of what has been, is and will be. I'm optomistic. This next link does speak to those without their loved one this holiday.
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