Never Too Old to Learn

A Spot on My Shipwreck-Wood Floor Mantle

I've been reading Calming the Emotional Storm, by Sheri Van Dijk, for a couple of weeks now.  The author suggests digesting the ideas and strategies piece by piece.  I am already noticing affects in how I start my morning, go back to sleep after a nightmare, even how I savor the taste of a glass of water from the refrigerator.  These are positive affects from practicing simple five minute exercises Dijk teaches in her book.  I'm learning.

My counselor suggested I go to a bookstore, in Ann Arbor, and sit with a cup of tea and browse the selections on anxiety, until I see something I would like to work with.  She recommended a workbook-type book to learn some of the "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy" (CBT) information.  Hating "filling-in-the-space" as much as I do, I compromised and bought Dijk's book.  My counselor was pleased I chose a book to suit my personality.  I prefer to write, analyze, write some more and even draw pictures of my thinking.

Landslide River, Alba, Michigan

To back up a bit, I was already practicing a technique I had read about in The Mindfulness Muse, a blog my daughter, Elizabeth, shared with me, by Laura Schenck, M.A.  http://www.mindfulnessmuse.com/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy/leaves-on-a-stream-cognitive-defusion-exercise. (click on blue link) When I feel myself becoming anxious and "over-thinking", I stop and use the leaf visual. I couldn't believe how helpful the visual exercise was, after I tried it a few times. 

I want to share a recent journal entry with you.  My reflections may not seem like a blizzard in May, but they have started a transformation in me I'm happy about.

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Fri. 4-26-13

...I'm as good as I am right now.  I ache, I keep moving, stretching - plan a nap for today and rest.  I'm grateful I don't have to teach, be on a schedule and be patient today.  I want to accept the part of me that gets frustrated, agitated and cranky.  Breathe.

Allergies really starting to accelerate the last couple of days - hits my resistance and immunity, "inflames" and causes other aches and pains.

I want to not fear the natural ups and downs of my body and NOT blame myself like it's a "feeling".  I want to learn to distinguish between the body and emotions.  Or how the lack of sleep+rest+pain-free cause me to be irritable, tired, intolerant and I start self-criticizing instead of letting it be what it is.  

I judge myself and need to learn to stop and let it be.  I'm not weak.  I'm not lazy.  I'm not pathetic, old or degenerate.  I'm tired, achy and need rest and self-love.  It's okay.  I'm okay.  It's now, not forever...

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Even as I share the journal entry with you, I absorb the reflection.  Like the melting frost on the roof this early morning, turning from white to wet and evaporating in the morning sun.  

Snow on Boardwalk, St. Ignace

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  A very cold and windy day.  My body ached and slowed me down.  I didn't let the weather or my body keep me from joy and satisfaction.  Or from savoring the making of a memory.  I had my sister, Mary, to share the day with.  We met Heidi at Mighty Good as she got off work in the afternoon.  We sat and drank some tea, (with some chocolate treats and a scone). Visited, opened cards and gifts from Heidi.  Walked, laughed, shared.  We stopped for an hour to browse over books in the Common Language Bookstore. The three of us ended the evening with Heidi's dinner treat at Zingerman's Roadhouse.  I savored the moments, the food, and my loved ones.

I'm convinced I'll never be too old to learn.

Mother's Day With Heidi in Ann Arbor