Pictures of Me

Life's surprises keep me moving forward.  Not knowing when or where or who will appear.  These elements keep me less vigil, less sure of my role in this big world.  So, in being less vigil and less sure, I use my senses or "Heart camera" to point, zoom in or out, and snap as many pictures as I can, in order to sort through what is important in my life.  I tell myself, "Take as many pictures as you like, you can file them and take them out when you need to edit them."  I believe it's the moments that capture masterpieces.  We all have this "Heart camera".  We need to trust it more, take it with us more and aim it once in awhile, so we can muddle through the lousy obstacles that keep us from getting a clear picture.

When my day or week slows down, or I'm consciously reflecting on what I've taken in, I delete what doesn't work for me.  Or I can crop to pull in the areas I want to view again and again. Was I natural, or posed?  How much much light did I let in or keep out? Was I optomistic?  Are there too many shadows or not enough? When I notice patterns appearing in my pictures, it's important to step back and look at what I love to capture.  It's possible I'm trying too hard for a perfect picture and miss opportunities to capture a treasure for my collection.

Shadow Picture of Me
Across the Ice on Lake Huron

Life presents itself.  Awareness can be a struggle. I have to be willing and adventurous enough to experiment with new angles. Let new views in.  Improvise!  When I'm too focused and aim for a "Perfect" picture, (in my normal shooting-the-picture stance), I miss what colors and shapes are possible, right at my fingertips.  A higher perch and lower angle could be what is called for.  Me, trying to leave my comfort zone.   

I remember trying to cope after I injured myself, while living in Turkey.  I constantly was propping up and pushing away pillows, blankets, and a foot stool by the long couch, I had in Moda.  For weeks, I slept less than 20 minutes at a time.  Pain, confusion, fear and frustration was the norm.  Day and night became the same.  My "heart's camera" took many strange-angled pictures.  Surprises came when I was forced to reflect.  My constant pain, exhaustion, and being alone put me on hyper-alert.  I wasn't able to play my guitar, use my laptop much, write, or draw.  I could prop up books.  I could find a rare movie that wasn't in Turkish through BBC.  These factors forced me to look deeper, expect less, be aware more.   

Early Morning View from Apartment in Moda

These pictures from my "Heart camera" are private.  Life humiliates us.  It takes chunks out 

of us.  It doesn't always allow our best angle to show.  But, if we don't look at them honestly, we won't see the necessary places to grow, turn, and strengthen for a picture of the "me" we're looking for. 

View From Floor
in Opera House in Ukraine