Possibility of Failure

Reading a quote in a small gift store in Nashville made me think in a new vein.

Usually, I'm thinking, "I just have to work harder, think clearer, have more faith and get back up when I fall."  I spotted a quote on a small wooden box sitting on a small glass shelf.  It was hand-carved into the lid.  "What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail?"   I really try to be less fearful of things and not guess the failure-consequence of each decision I make.  But, to live believing nothing I do can be a failure, is a quite a bit of an adjustment in thinking.  It would be striving for what I want to achieve instead of striving for the least amount of failures and setbacks.  It pairs well with refusing to believe in perfection.  It supports the belief I have that I can make a difference in this world every day.  I may not know how or why or to whom, but I do make a difference.

I'm sitting at Fido's in Nashville.  I ordered a chai.  When I went to the counter to get it, the young man looked me right in the eye (after he sprinkled a generous amount of cinnamon on top of the soy milk foam) and said, "Enjoy your drink."  He was genuinely  wishing me a sort of peace.  I was a stranger, an older person he has no connection to at all.  It was a person to person contact. Caring and passing on a connection that affected me.  I'm writing about it an hour later, and thinking about the small act and how much it meant to me.  Not as an act of approval of me, not as an act as someone purchasing a product and paying for it, just peaceful, human interaction.

I imagine myself doing the same and not analyzing it, just passing it on.  No personal gain, no receiving back (which is virtually impossible when you extend a piece of yourself) and no fear of failure.

When I think of failure I couple it with being judged or criticized in some way for something I didn't do correctly.  Living without the concept of failure would free a mind from worry, fear, self-judgment and social expectations.

I cantered at St. Mary's Cathedral for years.  I worried about screwing up.  The worry became less the more I worked with the music director.  I began having faith in myself.  Early on, he ignored my self-criticism of my performances.  He kept encouraging me, having faith in my abilities and trusting my dedication to honoring the mass and the congregation I was sharing it with.  I guess he probably thought up the quote I found about failure, but worded it, "Perform like there is no possibility of failure."  I worked harder, took more risks musically, thriving on the confidence he showed me for my music ability.  Eventually,  I wasn't performing to please him.  Or to get his approval.  It took a lot of time for me to have a relaxed feeling working with him.  I stopped being intimidated by his doctorate in music, his gift for music and his ease with which music flowed from him.  All because of his faith in me. I thrived on being treated as a person that cannot fail. 

I will remember to apply the valuable gifts Wayne gave me.  Use them as a blueprint for living.  Prepare, practice, perform, revise, reflect, ad-lib, listen and connect to the community.  Believe in the power inside me.  Believe in the power guiding me.  Make it right.  Make it the best it can be for the moment.  I don't have to be able to read the music perfectly.  I don't have to be able to count at the end of each measure.  I can feel it with my heart.  I can be in touch with the whole, not the little parts.  And when I'm finished I can return home and practice, refine and change what I want to sound differently.  I don't' have to be afraid of reinventing, rediscovering my gifts. I just have to use them.

"Do, or do not.  There is no "try".   -   Yoda (The Empire Strikes Back)