"Mattering"

Clearning Snow From the Pellston Runway

We matter.  Knowing we do makes a big difference in our day to day existence. Not by someone verbalizing for us our importance and significance.  We have to know it about ourselves.  From the inside out.  Inside from the soul, where I think we feel the deepest about ourselves and others.

Tonight, swimming alone in a motel pool, I felt close to myself.  The water was holding me, soothing me and letting me feel comfortable with very little clothing on.  I was comfortable in my own skin and it helped me look inside. I know I have a soul and I was feeling it.  My mind wandered to how people get randomly shot (New episode in Texas, on the news) and I started wondering if I had a destiny waiting for me I couldn't possibly fear ahead of time.  And my mind drifted to the "do I matter?" thoughts.  Those type of basic needs fascinate me.  Our need to belong.  Our desire to be loved.  Our need to be validated.  Our desire to know if we've made a difference by being here.  By being who we are.

I admit it annoys me when my mind goes there.  Because when it does, I have to do the "self-talk" to it and set it straight.  Why can't it remember the basics?  Yes, I'm loved.  Yes, I belong.  Yes, I am living a valid life.  Yes, I make a difference by being who I am.  

But, I believe the difficult part of this and why my mind doesn't remember the basics is because "mattering" is a constant.  It  never stops.  Like our responsibility to love others, include others, validate others and let them know they matter.  

It's reminds me of learning.  When I graduated from high school I thought, "Whew, that's over!  Now I can relax."  But, the trick is our need to learn only broadens and deepens.  Our mind has more questions for us at each level.  I hate being without two or three good books around me absorbing new things and new ideas.

The same with mattering.  We can't look back and say, "I mattered to that person..."  It's not a past-tense issue.  It's on-going and present.  It isn't something that can't be saved up like golden pennies in heaven.  That's not the visual we should be holding on to.  We should be visualizing a day to day living, vibrant organism called "Mattering".  An infant that needs nurturing day after day or it will not survive.  And this infant (in our visual) will smile its endearing smile up at us help us keep present, help keep our souls alive and well. 

This morning, when I was at the airport waiting to go through security clearance, I saw a young man in a uniform.  Standing tall in his forest green military suit, he looked sixteen.  His cinched waist belt with a buckle made his long, lean body appear longer.  The tightly secured, khaki tie at his neck seemed to make his thick neck stretch longer.  His fresh buzz-cut caused even more exaggerated space between his collar and his ears.  This along with his impeccable posture, made him appear very young, very thin, very fragile.  Like a lit sparkler, with a limited time span.

He was a young Marine. When he leaned down to take off his shiny, hard, black shoes I thought he'd break at the waist.  He tried to lift the grey tray from the cart sitting by the conveyor belt and it wouldn't budge.  It was bolted to the cart.  Without giving him time to process or watch the other passengers going through security ahead of him, his mother standing outside the security area said, "Just grab one of those trays and put your things in it."  

He looked up embarrassed.  I thought he'd frown at her, or at least ignore her. But he sweetly smiled up at her with his shoes in his hand and grabbed a tray.  His smile was brimming with love, apprehension and excitement.  She looked ready to burst into tears.  We went through security two more times after that.   Our plane never did take off.  When I asked the father if he thought his son would mind if I snapped his picture, he said, "Nah, he won't mind".  (The young soldier was calling his officer on his cell phone, to tell him (for the 3rd time) we were delayed.  His dad told me he didn't think his wife could handle saying goodbye anymore today.  She'd cried enough.

I tell this story because I wonder if any of these three people had doubts in their minds about being loved, belonging, and making a difference by who they are.  From where I was watching I can't imagine they'd miss the abundance of those basics they have.  The "mattering" was oozing all over the place. 

If they doubt, as we all do at times, I hope their souls will let them know they are alive and well.

Warming Up the Plane for Fantasy Take-Off

Continual Snow Clean-up at Pellston Airport