Family Knot-Tying

One of Dad's Knot-Boards

I am a member of a wealthy family.  We are rolling in riches.  We don't all have the equal ability to manage this wealth, but we all have this huge bank account available to us. We're very lucky to have such a wealth of family.  We're also fortunate to have such a wealth of memories to draw from that comes from family. (be it negative or positive)   The type of wealth we possess can never be stolen, repossessed or destroyed.  We can make a choice to destroy it, bury it, or hide it away in a locked safe, but that would be of our own doing.

It it really hard to remain as neutral as I can with family and not take sides in issues families struggle with.  It is always difficult.  Family dynamics are complicated, but that's what makes them so wonderful.  I try to empathize with family members that have been hurt and alienated from past events. (because I have felt all of those emotions at one time or another myself in the past and it's good to know you're not alone) 

My husband use to call our family communication "The Cronan Hot-line".  He was referring to the uncanny ability of news to travel like a flash, whether you wanted it to or not.  I bet there are many family "Hot-lines" out there.  It can cause negative reactions, but I think the intentions are innocent most of time.  We want to know how our loved ones are doing.  Hopefully, it's not as casual as wanting to know what the weather for the week will be.   

I don't feel I have a lot of time in this world.  I don't have a lot of time with family.  When I do make a choice I want it to be full of opportunity.  No one can predict how our time will really be played out when we get together. Group dynamics isn't the easiest way to get to know siblings and their families. It becomes a mesh of personalities and there's more light-level talking than deep understanding.  This is great in itself, (memories, stories, etc.)  but can become predictable. 

When I choose to make quality time with someone in my family I like to meet them on their own turf.  I get to know them better and it suits my personality.  They seem more at home in their home.  I get to drink their coffee and visit with them while they're in their favorite chair. (sometimes with their feet up)  I get to know their spouses, children, grandchildren, pets, favorite ice-cream places, and often more than I imagine.

I've seen some vegetable garden plots by their houses, collections of family pictures, where they put their recycle stuff, whether they have visitors take shoes off or leave them on, neighbors popping in on them, what they have in their refrigerators, how they organize their garages, whether they eat family dinner together, how much cold beer they have, whether they treat you like family or like a guest, if the computer or television is in a centrally located area in the home or off in another room, if they talk and listen to each other and how much strength they get from their family.

Family ties, family memories, and family history gives us wealth. We all know what order we came in the family. The branches of the family spread out continually.  A new member is being born, another is lost to death.  But our connection to our family tree will always remain intact. 

We can invest what we have from the family and continue to watch our wealth increase, or we can horde our memories and bury them in a can behind the outhouse. It's a choice. The choice doesn't come with pages of instructions and scenarios to avoid and entertain.  Without a guide it takes us out of our comfort zone. But, taking risks with family often increases our wealth. 

We learn from each other.  We stop showing our "perfect" sides and enjoy each other.  We let our guards down and our love up.  Our kids are watching.  They want to see how it's done.  If we are to pass our riches to them we have to give them a map.  I hope I can learn to pass on these gold coins:

• barrier-free love
• giving and asking for forgiveness
• the beauty of imperfection 
• honesty 
• laughter
• acceptance
• hugs
• endless communication
• judge not, lest thy be judged 

It's August. There's a lot of territory to be covered, right?  The snow is waiting to ice the roads and isolate us.  Happy family-tying.