July 13th, My Birthday

Naked,

I float.

I feed myself,

Inadequately.

Parameters are set.

They suspend me

In a hazy bubble.

Memories swirl around me.

They pretend to nurture.

Surrounding me with a watery abode.

Can this be?

An enduring dwelling place?

Acceptance of existing rules of play.

Acceptance of standards, 

Each one static,

Consistently fed through a thin worn out umbilical cord.

Everything closes in, 

I am being crushed.

All this intense pressure 

squeezes back my determination to leave.

Intense appetite clears my mushy brain.

Instinct pushes me to survive. 

I kick and push. 

My head throbs.

There's no turning back.

This long awaited labor is real.

Choking will kill me if I falter.

Excessive options could slow my decent.

I arrive.

My eyes squint to limit images.

Too much will blind me.

Homeless freedom

Attaches itself to my first smile.

Relaxed,

I feel permission of renewal.

I will rest.

Regenerate from the struggle.

Take time to break down the residual layers,

Cemented from my journey.

Gently,

I will toughen my new skin,

breathe in new air.

My first steps will be light.

Dark and suffocating closeness will be forgiven,

Forgotten,
shaken off.

St. Anthony of Padua Cathedral
on Istaklal, Istanbul

                                                   
It's my birthday.