A Chance to Heal

If I'm to save it.
I have to leave it.
I must find a place.

It needs hope, rest, a chance at life.
I will abandon it without a glance behind.
It will take a breath.

I only smother,
crush
and keep it in pain.
I limit its space.
It coils more and more in fear of me.
Blocks the blows it has come to expect.

It covers itself from the screams of recrimination,
hides from blame, the lectures, finger pointing.
How can it NOT be better without me?
Without my warnings,
the darkness.

I deplete my heart's will to live.
It doesn't need my lack of care.
I have no answer when it calls for help.
No warmth when it needs shelter.

I'm not its healer any more.
I'm its killer,
its nightmare.

I set it on cliff edges,
railways, and in dark boxes.
I wake it up when it wants to sleep,
haunt it,
scare and curse it.

I am not its blood source.
I am the teeth that drains its blood.
I leave it weak.
I have no pity for its pain.
Only enough energy to set it down.

To speak nothing.
No promises.
No hateful goodbyes.
I will return someday and hope for forgiveness.