Stain-glass Eyes

  A distant train…peals through the city, Splats of cold flakes suddenly fall around me. I stop in my tracks on my way home. Rush hour joins twilight With an early snake out of the city.   Bumper to bumper it vibrates. Cool, delicate, woven pieces of snow land on my face. My senses are tickled and mesmerized. The north wind is still.   I smell winter. Everything starts to vanish behind the sheets of snowfall. Muffled with a soundless cover of white. Time and train bow before this crown of snow. Puffs of joy. It’s like I’m in a forest of floating white, Sheltered among soft cushions. “In this now can you stay with me?” Snow challenges. I tilt my head back in approval.   You fall like apple blossom petals, In adagio rhythm. Moisten my tongue and my eyelids grow heavy. You fold around me, Release me from adulthood. My inner-child steps out of me and smiles. Into your cloud of snow. Together we abandon ourselves,   In a floaty-dance. “I love you, Snow! Please….stay...

During the Thanksgiving holiday, Ashley, my nephew, ended his life. I knew Ashley through my sister, Mary, his mother.   Love radiated from her in her stories about him or when I’d hear her talk to Ashley on the phone. She animated his personality through her unconditional love for him.   Mary was brought to her knees losing Ash. She lost her buddy, her son. But…. she does understand his desperation. Mary was unable to care for him when he got more and more difficult to handle and she adopted him out when he was nine, seeing no other way. Later in his life they often had daily contact by phone or texts. She let him try to make sense of his life. So many times she just listened.   She did her best to coach him and ask him questions about his ideas. Sometimes he'd blame her for his frustration. Eventually he’d apologize and reassure her, “ I love you Mom, I’m trying, I’m doing my best .”   Knowing their bond was strong and his death would be hard on her, Ashley took th...